Beating Time

Back to work last week and a major discovery about myself. I simply do not function well if I have too much time with no structure. The house was a tip, my desk looked like the aftermath of a small war and my mind was in chaos. I couldn't make a decision about what to eat, where to shop, who to call or any other minute task. The day I knew I had to get it together for work, I woke up properly for the first time in ages and attacked  'the list' (I hadn't even been able to make 'the list' for the previous two weeks) with military precision and huge waves of enthusiasm.

Phew! Thank goodness, because to tell you the truth, I'd rather thought I might have lost it up until then. Lost what? My sense of purpose, timing, responsibility and general well-being. It suits me to have things to do and places to go. I am no good at pottering and end up wasting time. So why not go to a gallery, read more books and turn out a cupboard? Because those are the things I fit in when I'm rushed off my feet and enjoy them all the more for knowing I've had to make an effort, rather than mooched my way to them because there is no other calling on me.

This is really bad news - how will I manage when I am too old or frail to work anymore? I will have to be one of those 'old retainers' who show up even though they can't serve any useful purpose but are part of the furniture.

Actually, none of this is a surprise to me; I have always known that my work defines me and that it plays a huge part of my life. I'm eternally grateful to the people who let me do it, provide great participants and invite me back again - thank you because without you, clearly the house would never get tidied and we would be living out of tins!

So now I'm off to make this week's list, pack away the Summer clothes, cook a casserole and bring my diary up to date. See? It's easy when you haven't got any spare time.

See you soon,

Angie